On the fertility front, I believe I ovulated today. I think it happened during the prayers; had some mittelschmertz (cramping) and felt the tell-tale "lube" sensation of egg white cervical mucus. EWCM is just what it sounds like: it's clear, stretchy, and slimy. Really attractive stuff, folks, but it's the most fertile kind of cervical fluid. From what they say, sperm just love swimming through this! (The experts say, not the sperm, wise guy.) So after service, I ran up to Eric to tell him the good news and prepare him.

"No!" he says. Eric had apparently developed cold feet in the face of such irrefutable evidence of my fecund nature. Thankfully, on the way home and after much talking, he came around. The products of today's efforts are hopefully finding their way to where they need to be.

Do all guys get cold feet at this point in the game? I've heard from a few women that their men have tried to push back the date when it came close. I know of a couple who have developed "performance anxiety" when it came time to dance. Eric's worried mainly about finances; he's already talking about finding a second job. We do well enough; he's in materials, and some guys at corporate are actually looking at hiring him into Information Systems. It would be good money, but he's still scared. My family got along on much less money than he alone makes, and his family didn't do much better. I have no idea from where his paranoia is coming.

The fathering books he's seen have been no help at all. They all feed into his fears, saying how a father needs to provide, can't even think about changing jobs, needs more insurance, needs to write a will. Yes, yes, love the kids, but it's more important to have job stability. Eric ends up throwing the books across the room most of the time. There's got to be more to fatherhood than that, he knows, but nobody wants to write about it.

Mothering books are better, but so many of them irritate me. They seem so fear-centered, especially the ones concerning birth. I'm a firm believer in nonmedical birth, but it seems to be an unpopular opinion with authors. And don't get me started on the "What to Expect" books; Eric calls them "What to Fear and Dread" books.