The defense wasn't nearly as difficult as I feared. They did ask me about the Bartok, but I was able to give them answers that were at least satisfactory. Dr. Shrude made me go through the spiel about why I rewrote the entire middle section of one of the movements at the last minute, which was a little humbling, but if it made her happy, then I was willing.

See, I had this great idea. The poem which formed the text of the fourth movement is this great rant by Neruda about what tortures Hitler might now be suffering in hell. (The whole work is based on Neruda's El libro de las preguntas ( The Book of Questions), this collection of surrealist poems baed on questions which ran through Neruda's head as he lay dying.) Anyway, I found this quote from a Wagner march that I wanted to use in the movement. Wagner = militant anti-Semite = Hitler...get the connection?

It's very witty. Face it.

Well, it might have been witty if it had worked. The movement into which it was to have gone, however, is extremely complicated and atonal; the Wagner quote, as much as I messed with it, was still pretty tonal. I fussed and fussed over the transitions into and out of the Wagner stuff. I wrote and rewrote. I was bound and determined to make it work. The net result felt like running into a brick wall at both the entrance to and the departure from the quoted material. Not a pretty scene.

At the last minute (read: the week before the defense), I gave up and ate crow. What had seemed like a good idea was just too much of a headache. I finally had to admit that it was only witty in my head; on my page, it was a disaster. I think Dr. Shrude knew it all along, but was letting me reach the decision on my own. Well, I learned my lesson. I replaced the section with music of similar structure, but in a musical language more cohesive with that which preceded and followed it. Maybe I'll revisit the Wagner some other time.

I start my job at the library tomorrow. Boss-Lady called me yesterday to tell me they were building my computer and to ask what I wanted on it. Unfortunately, it's a Windows machine. I don't know why that surprised me; during the interview, Boss-Lady told me she was a Mac user, but I suppose that didn't mean the library was all Mac. She wanted to know what software I wanted. The question confused me a little; surely she should know my job requirements better than me, at this point. Wouldn't she be better equipped to know what software I'll need to do my job?

I guess this means I'll be getting a desk, and maybe an office. I wasn't sure if I'd have a desk, or if I'd just be out in the Youth area all the time. She told me they use Eudora, so it looks like I'll be getting yet another email address to add to my collection. Of all of the odd things to collect, I now have about fifteen email addresses. I just set them to forward, if I can, and collect all the mail in one or two places.

I was talking this evening over dinner with Eric about his defense. I was a little playfully miffed; he didn't even do a bibliography, and he never even wrote a proposal. He doesn't know how he got away with it; he just did. Anyway, I asked him what would have been on his bibliography if he had had to write one. He could only name two pieces, and was highly disappointed with himself. Neither of us did as much listening as we should have while we were back at West Virginia, but Eric thinks it may have seriously impacted his writing. He referred to himself as a "no-talent hack."

I reminded him, as I always do, that his music is nothing short of inspired. I wonder, though, what sort of style he would have developed if he had exposed himself to more styles of music during his education. I know that my own style has changed sharply over the past few years; before I came to Ohio, my style was much more conservative, much more "hummable." Much like my husband's stuff.

Exposure seems to be the key, in music as well as in writing and other arts. Perhaps even psychologically, we all benefit from exposure to many different people. As I mentioned in a previous entry, I was bound and determined to leave my sheltered little home town, and I think the move to a large university town was instrumental in the shaping of who I am. I was better able to pick and choose as to what I felt was right, what I felt was comfortable, what I felt was honest.

I'm glad I came to Ohio. I've seen and heard many things over the past few years that I was tempted to disregard immediately as "foreign," but I was made better for the exposure. Keeping my ears open has been difficult at times, but it's been worth it.