I'm heading into fertile territory again, so it's back into the sack I jump. It's a strange situation, though. I've just started this new job. Do I really want to get pregnant so soon after starting? Eric and I are adamant about me staying at home with our children; working and having our kids in daycare isn't really an option for us, philosophically speaking. So am I looking at only keeping this job for nine months?

I like the job. I love it, actually. The people are extremely friendly, the position is fun, and I like working with the kids. I've been there for two days now, and I've already been "apprenticed" to Tech Woman for web design - we're putting up some pages for a silent wreath auction. The attention I get as both the new girl and as the resident musician is quite flattering. I'd be lying if I said I didn't actually look forward to going to work in the mornings, and that's new for me.

On the other hand, a situation occurred the first day I was there that weighs on my mind. I was standing in the kids' room, going over some shelf material with my supervisor, Boss-Lady, when a little boy, about two years old, came up behind me and said, "Can you help me?" He had one of those floor mat/puzzle pieces in his arms, the kind that you piece together to form a little road map for toy cars. I squatted and helped him work on the map, and Boss-Lady wandered off. After a while, she returned and I went back to working with her; she made a little face and said, "We don't usually do a lot of that."

What, work with the kids? Heaven forbid! Harumph.

That kind of thing really got to me. I mean, I know I'm there to help people find books, but there was nobody who needed my immediate help, and the little boy did. If I hadn't helped him, he would have entertained himself in some other fashion, such as by yanking all the books off the shelves. Besides, I liked helping him. What kind of person would seek out a job as a children's librarian if they didn't like working with kids, in any capacity?

Eric asked me if I wanted to wait a while before trying to conceive. I told him that I'd rather be a mother than a librarian. That doesn't really answer his question; I could be both, just not necessarily at once. If I waited a few months, it wouldn't make me any less a mother than if I got pregnant this cycle. Still, I don't think I want to wait. Am I being silly here for wanting pregnancy to happen now? Impractical? Probably. I just feel like now's the time.

I talked to Mom tonight, getting Thanksgiving plans in order. Because I just started my job, I'm not really up for any vacation time for a while. I'll have Thanksgiving off, but have to work Friday. Since my family's getting together back at my grandmother's house in West Virginia, it'll mean an eight hour car trip on Wednesday after I get off from work, then an eight hour trip back on Thursday night. Luckily, Eric doesn't work Friday, so he can drive while I sleep. Still, it's a pain. I asked Boss-Lady if I could work Saturday instead of Friday, but she's hesitant to say yes to that; as it turns out, they run short-staffed on Saturdays, and I'm not really ready to be so out on my own yet. She said she'd ask the director (Boss-Zilla?) about it, but isn't confident at all.

Mom also told me that she was just diagnosed with hypothyroidism. That makes 100% of my grandmother's children with thyroid problems. Gee, think I have something to which I can look forward? Mom will have to take Synthroid for the rest of her life. I think she's really bummed about that. She says she doesn't really feel bad, just tired, though she says she's felt like that for a long, long time. Said I,

"Well, maybe it'll be like when I first got glasses. I thought, 'Wow, people can actually see like this?' You'll be thinking, 'Wow, people can actually feel energy in the mornings?'"

I'm glad my last thyroid check came out normal. When I was a kid, I developed an enlarged thyroid that went away on its own before they could run any tests. Mom kept her eye on it for the rest of the time I was at home, and I've been a little paranoid myself. Thyroids are one of those things that you don't think about a whole lot, but can really muck up your life when they don't function correctly. The CNM had the lab do a check on me last month; I think Mom waited nervously until I called her to tell her it was fine.