Once upon a time there was a maiden. She wasn't quite what one would refer to as fair, though she was pale. The maiden was possessed of a quick wit and an offbeat sense of humor, which oftentimes ran her into a good bit of trouble.

This maiden was raised in a far-off land where few people had any humor about them at all. Her teachers, especially, were quite dry; they were often impatient with the lass. She gave all the right answers, however, and read all the books, so there wasn't much that they could do about her.

Toward the end of the maiden's childhood, she came under the tutelage of an exceedingly gruff teacher. This man, who was employed to teach music, had quite high opinions of himself. He was quickly disenchanted with the maiden, who made her way nimbly through his courses and saw him for the bumbler he truly was. They had fantastic disagreements and fiery arguments, sometimes in front of the rest of the class, which was quite unprofessional and Simply Not Done.

Eventually, the maiden became a grownup herself and left the far-off land for one rather closer, forgetting almost entirely about the gruff teacher. In her new home, she was introduced to a magical world called the Internet, which allowed her to play all sorts of new practical jokes. One of her favorite games was to imagine herself to be an entirely different person, and invent a persona for that person, acting the part on the Internet. She tricked her mother; she tricked her father. She laughed gaily at the confusion and played the game over and over. It was a silly kind of entertainment, but she enjoyed it nonetheless.

One day, the maiden came up with a new idea for the game. She found a silly picture of another young maiden, quite obviously of a younger age. She invented a character to go with the picture, giving her dainty hobbies and socialite tendencies. Then, not thinking twice, she posted a Personal Ad on the Internet for the made-up person.

(Admittedly, this was quite unprofessional and Simply Not Done. The maiden never made any claims to maturity beyond her years.)

Over time, the Personal Ad generated lots of interest from older gentlemen, most of whom claimed to be seeking a "little girl to spoil." She received letters from men who were married and looking for a "little fun on the side." She received pictures of men without their shirts on. She laughed, but never wrote back. After all, it was only a game.

Until one, day, when she received an letter which began "Hi!! My name is [Gruff Teacher], and I read your profile on the internet and found you to be interesting." Yes, here was a letter from the man with whom she had had such heated arguments so many years before. Here he was, sending an amorous letter to an imaginary girl who claimed, in her Personal Ad, to be a mere twenty-one years of age. (The gentleman in question was decidedly older.) And wasn't he married? The maiden thought that he was.

So, now, what to do? Respond to the email? Tell the truth, or take the game further? She felt a little guilty, but fascinated with the possibilities. What would she do?

My mother called last night. My cousin has left his wife, an aunt has been committed to the psych ward in a hospital, and Mom had to have a thyroidectomy after the first of the year. Yep, great things happen to my family in bunches. I'm off to hide in a closet now.