January 31, 2000
Empty Pockets

Cycle 4, Day 22, 3 dpo
Temp: 98.4
Cervical Mucus: Nothing
Cervix: Low, closed, firm

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Eric is in Racine by now, and I'm already missing him. I'm pathetic. It's easy enough when we're busy to keep my mind off the lonely nights ahead of me this week, but it's pretty much abandoned in here right now. Plus the storytime I was supposed to do this afternoon may be cancelled; the bus is caught in a snow drift, filled with terrified three-year-olds. I'm not joking. I sincerely hope they can get the bus free soon, and not merely because I'll be filled with ennui if I don't get to read "The Biggest, Best Snowman."

I'm such a tenderheart, aren't I?

It looks as if we will not be purchasing a house in the near future. We've come to terms with the fact that, while Eric's fears of our permanent indigency were not completely grounded in reality, there was too much fact in them to be ignored. We don't have money for a down payment; we don't have money for closing costs. We could probably get a house in our current state, but it wouldn't be one that we could enjoy inhabiting. The house we wanted couldn't be ours for $90,000; Realtor Joan told us they probably wouldn't let us have it for anything under one hundred. That's not feasible at this time for us. Plus, Eric has come into some new information - one of the guys in Racine has told him that we could be out of Toledo in less than three years. If that's true, then it's not practical to buy.

We'll probably start looking to rent a house beginning sometime this summer. We'll need space, and we may be able to find a place that's older than the one we currently have, but larger. It won't be our dream home, but it will do for now. Once we get to Racine, there will be time enough for houses.

I hope things go well for Eric this week; he was trying to decide how best to butter up the guys in whose employ he eventually hopes to be. Less than three!

How does one go about raising lots of money? In the past few years, that's a topic of conversation that's frequently arisen. Eric usually starts:

"Maybe I should get another job."
"I though you liked the one you had."
"I mean a second job. Evenings and weekends. Should I?"
"Well, when would we see each other?"
"We'll have time for that when we're old."
"How about a job from home? Medical transcription or something."
"Too many shady companies. I could always do pornographic websites..."
" could do that..."
"Yeah, I know. If it didn't go against my moral fiber, I could be rich tomorrow."

Pause, then:

"There are lucrative opportunities out there if you're willing to be a little crooked!"

Eric's old roommate makes a decent side living running porn sites. We used to smile and shake our heads at his follies, but there was always a tiny grain of jealousy in our hearts. He spends almost no time maintaining these websites, then receives a steady monthly income from the various banner companies and the people at Adultcheck. He doesn't worry that, as a public school teacher, he's putting his reputation on the line, and should any of his students' parents find out, he could be out of a teaching position. Eric's position depends less upon a strong moral fiber, but he can't bring himself to take the plunge.

Well, the storytime kids finally got out of the snow bank, and we just had a wonderful couple of stories. They brightened my day in ways I can hardly explain. In one moment, I was feeling helpless and down about my position in the world; in the next, I was seeing myself through their eyes, a woman who is all-powerful because she knows where the books are, and can read. Life is good.

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