We celebrated Valentine's Day early. I have to work tomorrow night, so we thought it would be best to have our festivities over the weekend. Well, that and the fact that we were both so bummed out by the "No Baby" month that we needed a little celebrating now rather than later.

By the way, this whole phenomenon of Eric joining me in mourning conception failure is a new thing. The previous three months, he's consoled me when I cried, but he's also been the optimistic partner and the one who didn't seem to be riding the emotional roller coaster in the first place. He's always been able to point out the positive aspects to waiting another month, and when he's been sad, his reason has been, "I'm disappointed for you."

Today in church, I saw him tear up and look away when a small girl helped her mommy carry the collection plate to the front of the church. This puts an entirely new spin on the issue for me. When I was the only one depressed each month, I was frustrated with him; now that we're both starting to feel the disappointment, how will things change? Will I feel more pressure this month? Will he be as openly anxious as I am? He didn't think I saw him cry today; he seemed embarrassed about my knowing. I don't think he's afraid I'll think he's weak; I think he's afraid that letting me know how much he wants a child will make me feel even worse if it doesn't happen this month, or the next. How can I get him to open up to me? This reservedness is a new thing for us, and I don't like it.

Anyway, we celebrated Valentine's Day today. I decided this year that, unlike years past in which we'd just done the "dinner and sex" thing, we would actually get each other gifts like a normal, romantic couple. It's part of my new goal of helping us get back out of our disgustingly casual routine and begin to treat each other like the person with whom we fell in love. Everybody told us before we got married that the key to maintaining romance in the marriage was to never stop courting each other. Well, lately, Eric and I have been awfully lax about our courting behavior; we've been more "buds" than "lovers," and our household is beginning to be more barroom than lovenest. Sexual overtures between the two of us sound more like street-corner bargaining than anything else: "I'm bored. You wanna...?" "I'm tired. You first."

So the subject of Valentine's Day arose a few days ago, and he says:
"I figure we'll just have a nice dinner. Maybe cards."
"Ummmm..."
"What, you wanted to do something else?"
"Well, I was talking to some other women online, and I got a little jealous about their Valentine's Day plans. Maybe we should get presents this year."
"Okay, then. What do you want?"
"I don't want to tell you! I like surprises."
"All right, whatever. Do you want to set price caps?"
"No, I don't want to think practically. I just want to be romaaaaaantic!"
"Okey-dokey! Just let me know when you want to buy them so I can deposit some checks!"

Have I ever mentioned how gosh-darn logical my husband is?

We decided to shop this afternoon; yesterday would have been better, but whatever was eating my stomach over the last couple of days took root in Eric's yesterday, and he decided he was better off not straying far from home and the bathroom. Today he felt better, so after church, we ventured out to the ritzy mall, kissed, and went off in search of the perfect gift.

Now, I didn't tell Eric, but I was really, really, hoping he would choose jewelry for me. He's got such wonderful taste, and I love the rare occasions he gives me even the smallest piece of costume jewelry. Still, I didn't want to sound greedy, and I do love surprises, so I didn't tell him what I wanted. Even if he came back with a book, I would have been happy; he knows my tastes so well that he always manages to get me something I love.

My choice for Eric was easy. He's having trouble with clothing lately; most of his clothes are either too big, too little, or always dirty because he wears them the moment I wash them. I headed toward an upscale clothing store and emerged, half an hour later, with a pair of dress pants, a sweater, and a casual shirt, all in colors which suit Eric beautifully. (No, his mama didn't dress him like that! His wife did! Heh.)

We rejoined, and I could tell by the glint in his eye that he was proud of himself. My second clue that he knew he had done well was his choice of dinner locations: the Ruby Tuesday in the mall. "Do you just want to eat somewhere close so we can exchange presents soon?" He nodded eagerly. What a cutie! He never was able to keep a secret for long.

He bought me earrings. Opals with diamonds. Absolutely gorgeous. Have I ever mentioned how gosh-darn psychic my husband is? And yes, I do appreciate what I have in him, very much.

Eric liked the clothing, though the pants may need exchanged for another size. He also is enjoying my Valentine's Day toffee-chip cookies, and tonight we may watch Clerks. Pretty good night, if I do say so myself. We may well be on the swing away from barroom back toward lovenest. Well, maybe if we clean up a bit first. You know, get the peanut shells off the floor and whatnot.

Almost a perfect holiday, indeed. Maybe by next year, everything will be just right. With a little luck, this could be our last Valentine's Day as a family of two. Wouldn't that be something!