The cold still hasn't left Sam, and he's having some very cranky moments as a result. When his nose runs, it sends him into a panic; he hates, too, to have his nose wiped, suctioned, or touched during those moments. Most of the time he's still an extremely cheerful baby, which makes those tear-filled moments all the harder to watch.

It seems that he's one of those people that like to sleep when he's ill. Two nights ago, at what I hope was the height of the cold, he slept almost completely through the night, waking for only a few minutes around five before sleeping till nine. He then napped on and off through much of the day. He's not fevered, or I'd be more concerned. I like to sleep when I'm sick, so it feels natural for me to let him do likewise.

Interestingly, Sammy always stirs and wakes when the door opens and Eric walks into the apartment. No matter how grumpy he was only a few minutes before, Daddy is the recipient of smiles and cheer. Eric's confidence gets a boost from this, so a few nights ago, he had me run to the store for half an hour while he kept Sam. It was the first time that I'd been more than fifty feet from him since birth, and it felt...odd. Not bad, but not "freeing." I suppose that since I wasn't going crazy to be apart from him, it wasn't any sort of relief for me. What felt good was the fact that Eric had actually requested that time of togetherness with his son.

I think Eric and I are doing a bit better. It's hard to tell for certain; he comes home tired, and we go to bed early enough that it's easy to avoid arguing in the meantime. I feel loving toward him, but I don't know how he feels about us. Perhaps that uncertainty is residual from learning just how much resentment he'd been harboring for much of my pregnancy. Is he being open with me now? Apparently, I'm not much of a people-reader. No wonder I always got cleaned out at poker.

Something interesting did happen as a result of our meeting with the priest. One of the "losses" Eric had been mourning with Sam's birth was his new inability to enroll in law school. Yes, law school. The priest listened to Eric talk about it, then told him that it really wasn't impossible, that it would be difficult, but doable. I agreed, saying that I was behind him in whatever he wished to do, so long as he was happy.

So he's investigating it. His company will pay for college degrees, but probably not this one and not for Eric; it's a doctoral program, which generally aren't covered, and a law degree isn't really applicable toward his current career path. Eric's thinking about student loans, and considering taking us back to West Virginia University.

I'm happy if he's happy. If he wants to move, then I'm fine with it. What makes me nervous is the idea of losing health insurance if he leaves his job. Not good timing, you know. The timing won't get any better as Sam gets older, though. If anybody has any ideas or has done this before, can you let me know? I'd appreciate any advice or thoughts.

Just before the food arrived, as often happens, Sam decided he was hungry. I nursed him, even more conscious of discretion than usual - the mirror made me very aware of everything I was doing. The surly waiter arrived with the food and paused for a moment before actually breaking into a smile for the first time and saying, "He's hungry!" Sam chose that moment to stop and look up at the waiter with a grin. The waiter laughed, told me Sam was "very cute," then left and came back with free Poori bread. It was a thoroughly excellent dining experience.

(Sam liked it better than last time, too.)

Eric's birthday is Sunday. I told him I'd make him a cake. Let's hope Sammy lets me have enough time to do that, at least!