| September 29, 2001 Oh, The Humanity |
 I'm legal again! |
One year ago (or thereabouts): I'm going to be a mommy! Two years ago (or some such): What I am currently musing about is why I think my life is interesting enough to display to the world. |
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I was talking on the phone with a friend when she mentioned that she had to go to the DMV. "I let my driver's license lapse for too long, so I have to take the test like a teenager," she said with a chuckle. I laughed with her, and when I hung up the phone, I began to wonder when my own license would expire. I'd had it a while... Last October, as it turned out, was the horrifying answer to my question. And so I found myself this morning standing in front of a uniformed woman, feeling like a royal idiot as I tried to explain what I needed. "See, I got pregnant and forgot all about my renewing my license!" She took my old license and peered at it with a raised eyebrow. "Almost a year expired! You'll have to take the test all over again. Go next door to the licensing bureau and get a learner's permit; then you can come back and take the written portion and I'll schedule you for a driving exam." "Can't I schedule that now?" Mortification! If I were to fail, Eric would probably drop Sam on the floor with uncontrollable laughter. I had no choice, though. I got my permit and returned. "Put your forehead on that machine and read the numbers. I'll flash a light, and you tell me what side it's on." I obeyed and read the numbers, but... "I don't see a flashing light." Cue my panic. There's no light there! Oh, dear God, I'm going blind! I've lost all peripheral vision on the left side! I'm not going to have to worry about passing the test, because I'm never going to be allowed to drive again. I need a white cane, not a driver's license! The lady looked worried too. "Turn your head to the left and tell me if you see it." I did what she said and still saw nothing. Perhaps the light bulb was burnt out? No, she had just checked it. The blindness is worse than I thought! Then inspiration smacked me hard across the butt, and my face turned fifty shades of crimson. With as much dignity as I could muster, I closed my eyes, lifted my face from the machine, and brushed back the hair that was covering the left side of my face. Instant vision. The lady covered her own eyes with one hand and tried not to laugh too hard as I resumed the (now much easier) eye test. I thought I heard Eric's snort from across the room, where he sat with Sam. A few minutes later I sat, surrounded by teenagers and truck drivers, at a long table. I filled in my little circles and listened to the examiner talk on the phone. "We can schedule your appointment to take the test, but the next opening is October sixteenth," she was saying. I cringed. Over two weeks before I could drive without Eric in the car? Sam and I would be effectively housebound for that time; how would I survive? I finished the test grumpily, taking wild guesses at the questions regarding point accumulation and bicycle rules. While I was being scored, I sighed, "But I'm going to have to wait to take the second part, right?" She stamped my test with a "Passed" seal, then looked up at me appraisingly. She glanced at Eric and Sam, who both gave her huge, winning grins. "Ah, I'll take you out now. What's more important, you getting your license or me having a cigarette before lunch?" I almost leapt over the counter and kissed her. |
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My biggest fear was having to demonstrate my complete lack of skill at parallel parking. Just this morning I explained to Eric that my usual first step in that task involved driving around until I found two empty spaces together. He laughed at me and tried to explain the proper technique - all of which flew out of my head as the examiner and I sat down in my car and buckled our belts. I needn't have worried. After a brief "maneuverability" test, she directed me out onto the street and had me drive around the block while she chatted and gossiped. She had major issues with her coworker, apparently, and was only too happy to use me as a dumping ground. For my part, I could barely listen to her, as self-consciously as I was gripping the wheel and watching my every move. The block felt about ten times its size; my hands were sweating by the time I pulled back into the parking lot and she handed me my score sheet. I was licensed! I was legal! I was engorged! The whole procedure had taken only a few hours, but Sam and I lunged for each other as avidly as if we hadn't seen each other all morning. Stress affects us in strange, strange ways. On the way home, I was happily talking with Eric when he yelped, "Slow down! You're going way too fast!" I hit the brakes and laughed a little with relief. Even if I had been pulled over, I thought, I would have at least been able to do more than hem and haw when asked for my license and registration. |
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Of course, I'd also have had difficulty believing that this journal would change my life as much as it has. Not only have I made so many wonderful friendships through writing here, as I mentioned last year, but I myself have changed for the better by the keeping of this chronicle. I've been able to make better decisions, clarify my own thoughts, and see myself grow - both emotionally and physically, through my pregnancy. Someday, Sam may be able to read my thoughts and feelings from these days. My grandchildren may look to these words to provide them with some insight into their father's early days. I'm waxing sentimental. Allow me to return to the present and say how very grateful I am to everyone who's made this experience what it has been for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Here's to another year. We're just getting started!  Comments? |
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Two years ago, this little journal was still just a pipe dream to me, even as I wrote my first words. I'd never, never, kept a journal, even a paper one, for more than a few months, so I would never have believed anyone who told me that I'd still be doing it two years later. How could I have?