Too early to be surreal

Sam just came running into the room, all excited.

SAM: “Mom! The TV said I could have all I want and still lose weight!”
ME: “Hmmmm.”
SAM: “I want to start losing weight now!”
ME: “Sam, you do not need to lose any weight.”
SAM: “You mean I’m already losing weight?”
ME: “No, you are gaining weight. You are supposed to gain weight. You don’t want to be this same size when you’re a grown-up man, do you? But you are gaining weight at exactly the right speed.”
SAM: “Oh. Good.”
ME: “Now, change the channel!“