Earthmovers and Sandcastles

Snake was in the yard, and when I grabbed Gabe and ran into the house with him, the snake chased him super-fast and almost broke into the house through the door before I was able to lock it. I was terrified, screaming at the top of my lungs, and Eric wouldn’t come help, for some reason. Not a fun way to wake up; at some point in the night, Sam had crawled into the bed next to me, and when I woke up, I had a death grip around his middle.

I’m not even really afraid of snakes. Lightning-fast, aggressive snakes that can magically open doors with no hands, though - they might be another story.

So I’m reading For Women Only, by Shaunti Feldhahn, and I must say that if you’re in a relationship with a man, this is an eerily useful book.

I mean, I’m only on the second chapter, and I’ve already begun putting the stuff into practice because it’s so very much on the money. She starts off by spelling out that, of the men surveyed in the research for this book, most of them (about 75%) said they would prefer to feel alone and unloved rather than feel disrespected and inadequate. On top of that, many of them had trouble with the question because for them, the two are the same thing. I read that part in the bookstore, called Eric to ask him the question, and his immediate response was, “What’s the difference?” Then he said that he, too, would pick unloved.

Whoa. And of course, reading the rest of that part, I discovered the many ways I manage to unthinkingly trample on his ego on a daily basis. It’s a humbling experience, learning this stuff, but worth it. Last afternoon, Eric called to say he couldn’t make choir practice because of work stuff, and my initial reaction was to question that, ask him if he was sure, remind him of his commitment. But you know what? He knows he made a commitment. He’s not stupid - far from it! He’s a very intelligent adult, and he’s more than able to assess conflicting situations and make decisions of priority. So I did my best to wrestle down my habit of trying to mother him. (Hopefully, over time, that’ll get easier. ) The world didn’t end! We didn’t argue, and nobody got hurt. Intriguing!

Anyway, I’m really looking forward to the rest of the book. Can’t quite wrap my head around the idea that there’s so much going on inside his mind of which I’ve been somehow blissfully unaware until now. Sure, men are different, but…well, I’d take “disrespected” over “unloved” any day. I guess I thought most people would, too. It changes much to try to think of the opposite.

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