Sam got his Tiger badge last night. I have no idea what that means. Well, I know it means that we did a lot of activities and signed a whole bunch of things in his handbook, but as to what the badge itself stands for, I’m at a loss. Is he still a Tiger Cub, or is he something else now? Remind me to look it up.
His den was in charge of carrying the flags into the room, and Sam and the two other boys in charge of the American flag very nearly let the whole thing fall to the ground a couple of times. Everyone in the room seemed to have their hands up in that futile pose, as though they could psychically reach across the room and help steady it. Sam, of course, was giggling the whole time; that’s the sort of kid he is.
You know, many people warned us about Scouts when we were thinking about putting Sam in the organization. Sexism, racism, every other -ism concern were mentioned, and in the end, I think we went with it mostly because Sam so very much wanted to, and because I figured we could guide Sam through the worst of it. As it happens, much of Scouts is den-based, and the den leader is the one who sets the tone for about 95% of what we do. Our den leader is cool, and we have yet to come up against anything that rang any warning bells for me.
On the other hand, the pack meetings are…different. Lots of different leaders are involved in the planning of those, and you occasionally get presentations, skits, and whatnot that are exactly the sorts of things about which I was warned. I don’t want to go into details, because, truthfully, I’d rather wipe most of it from my memory as much as possible and recounting it would do more harm than good, but…
Sam blithely ignored the whole thing, far more interested in making sculptures with the coffee stirrers on the table. It’s doubtful that Gabe was even aware that a presentation was occurring, as fun as it was to climb under the tables and play “cave.” Eric and I were in a sort of agony. Thank God these meetings don’t happen often. Also, thank God our den leader would probably be easily swayed away from any of that garbage when it’s our turn to provide entertainment.
It’s difficult to navigate this, our giving of money to a group that does this sort of thing. Sam loves Scouting. Sam is also a very thoughtful, contemplative kid with whom we can have serious discussions about cultural appropriation and negative stereotypes. With a less sensitive child, I’d probably be inclined to yank him out, no matter how much he adored it. Sheesh! Since he is Sam, though, we’ll keep on going at this with our eyes as open as they can be, not letting anything pass without speaking up.
Den meetings are crafts (paper airplanes! leaf rubbings!), field trips to alpaca farms, and playtime. Why can’t it all be as innocent and simple as that? Why do we need to start sneaking in subtle messages about those “funny, funny” other cultures? 
By the way, this is, of course, just a statement about our own experience with our own local group. I’m sure that there are groups around the country that are wonderfully sensitive, as well as those who are just this side of a KKK organization. Everybody makes his or her own call with participation in these things. If your group rocks, great! And I’m jealous! 
I’m doing this race as my first 50K/ultra in July 2012. I’m so tardy to the party but...
I’m wrestling with this, myself, though my son isn’t even crawling yet, so we’ve got a few years before I’ll have to figure it out. To make matters worse, I know already I’m going to have family pressure — my brother, my father, and my grandfather all went all the way to Eagle Scout, and my dad in particular will be keen to add another generation to the roster.
But… I have some problems with the religion requirement, and I am very offended by their stance on homosexuality.
In the end, like you, it will probably boil down to how much my son really wants to be a part of it.
Carrie, is there anybody you can speak to about what you saw at the pack meeting, or does it just seem like it would be futile?
I have strong feelings about the Boy Scouts myself, but would consider it if I had a little guy who was really determined to join. Luckily, we have a girl, and Brownies are a whole different animal.
I did the scouting thing as a kid, and enjoyed it, mostly. But really, the only thing I liked were the crafts
I think it may be different in Canada, though – I’m not sure there’s any religious affiliation requirements.
I’m sure vigilant parenting would be enough to counter any messages that you didn’t want them to absorb.
It means that he’s officially a Tiger Cub now! (He earned his Bobcat first, right?). Next will be Wolf and then Bear. My parents were Den Mom and Dad for a few years, so I remember some of it–including when the boys would be held upside down to get their badges. Now, I think the badges are just supposed to be pinned on upside down until the boy does a good deed, at which time, the patch can be sewn (ironed?) right side up.
We have a daughter and just finished our Daisy year. Next year will be Brownies. I was a Brownie/Girl Scout until 7th grade, and I was disappointed much of the time. Having grown up in a Boy Scout home (minus the sexism), I hoped that Girl Scouts would be more, well, boy-ish. Instead, we made ribbon barrettes and learned how to take care of our finger nails. Sigh. In sixth grade, our leaders were wonderful and taught us all kinds of outdoor survival skills and capped off the year with a week-long camping trip in the mountains (Big Bend).
Annnnnyway. I have a wonderful friend who attained Eagle Scout, and he is a very sensitive, welcoming person. And he looks very fondly on his Scouting days. But I do understand what you mean about where your money goes. At least you don’t have to sell cookies!
I’m very against a lot of what Boy Scouts stand for. I think it’s a shame that Girl Scouts share a similar name and are so frequently associated with them, because they don’t have the -ism issue for the most part.
I haven’t gotten around to researching this yet, but I definitely want Elias to be involved with something similar to the boy scouts, but NOT affiliated with the boy scouts of america, for sure. My husband was in a group like this, so I think it’s just a matter of finding one.
If I have a girl, I will have no problem putting her into Girl Scouts, but no boy of mine will be a part of Boy Scouts.
Depending on whether it’s me or Eric who takes Sam on his den’s field trip this weekend, I’ll probably say something to our den leader about the general level of offensiveness at the pack meeting. I don’t know anybody involved in the den that did the presentation, so other than escalating it to the very top at this point, probably the best I can do is register my discomfort at this level.
Also, I’m conflicted because I adore the kids in Sam’s den. They are so much better as playmates than the kids on our street – more goofy, silly, very good-natured play, as opposed to the violent, mean-spirited play I see these other kids using. I’m reluctant to even consider pulling Sam from a group of kids that are so good a match for him.
Congrats to Sam on his Tiger Badge. My oldest will be getting his next week. My husband and I shared many of your same concerns when we signed him up. Since it’s something Drew has wanted to do for a couple of years (“They even have costumes Mom!!”), we gave in knowing that we would just be on the lookout for anything offensive. I will say that we have been pleasantly surprised at the lack of any blatant closemindedness. For now it’s a good group for my son, reminding him that there are bigger issues than himself and helping him see how he can help. I think we will just address issues if they arise in the future.
Congrats to Sam — if your pack has “graduated” the kids as of the last pack meeting (most do when they give rank awards), he is now a Wolf scout.
I am a gung ho scout promoter. Both my boys were cub scouts from Tiger all the way through Webelos II, and both are now Boy Scouts — the youngest just crossed over. It is a wonderful program for boys who need a little help with social skills and interaction with other kids since it is more free-form than school, but still adult supervised. And they learn good, useful skills too.
You should definitely speak up about anything offensive you see at a pack meeting. Some of the skits the boys do have been handed down from goodness knows how long ago, and they can be less than PC by today’s standards. The situation can be treated as a good learning opportunity for the boys, which is what scouting is about. Mistakes happen, but we can learn from them and do better next time. The committee chair or cubmaster would be the best people to speak to.
I just finished a stint as committee chair of our pack, and I always appreciated it when parents let me know that they had ideas for changes. So much better than people that just silently slip away with no message why.
To Liz: as far as religion — there is no requirement about religion to join. You do have to believe in a higher power (unnamed and undefined), so if that’s too much for you, this wouldn’t be the group. But Baden Powell (the founder of scouts) was a scientific pantheist, which is about as far from traditional worship as you can get. His father was excommunicated, for goodness sakes.
In my 7 years of involvement in scouts, I have never seen religious belief or any ‘isms’ – pro or con – be issues for the adults, let alone the boys.
Enough from me — congrats again to Sam!
My son is a member of our Catholic parish’s scout group. He’s a Bear scout now, just completed Wolf. My husband takes him to all the meetings and events, as a kind of father-son time. I haven’t heard of any blatent “ism”s at the meetings.
I also have major issues with the scouts but I can appreciate the situation you find yourself in where the local level is a good thing and Sam wants to participate.
I strongly encourage you to speak up about what made you uncomfortable. The scouts will never change unless those who are involved work to bring about change.
I have to admit that I haven’t given money to the United Way for years because of their support for the scouts which isn’t really fair because it’s not the local scouts fault for what the national office policies are, but I want them to know that there are people who don’t agree with their policies re homosexuality.
For us, Scouts has been a good opportunity for our son to learn firsthand that not all “club” situations are ideal. Some of the kids in the pack aren’t friend material, some of the other leaders have a heavy-handed way of dealing with their dens (which can spill over into the pack meetings), some of the BSA’s policies do NOT mesh with our personal/family beliefs.
So we celebrate what’s good about Scouts,and discuss what we don’t like about it but must simply learn to deal with. We tell our son what we find unacceptable about BSA policies, and why we believe as we do. But we also make sure he knows that we feel the good outweighs the bad, and the reasons we think that Scouting is a good thing. But that when the bad starts to outweigh the good, that’s when you have to break with an organization and find one with a better fit.
At this stage, for us and our son, there’s plenty of positives to stay involved. It sounds like there’s lots of positives in your situation, too–and lots of great opportunities for family dialog.
What about CampFireUSA? Camp Fire Girls went co-ed more than twenty years ago and Camp Fire goes out of its way to be inclusive of all groups. It’s a much smaller organization and I don’t know how much the quality of the local councils may vary from region to region, but it may be worth looking into if you’re near a group. (That being said, I was in Camp Fire more than thirty years ago and have no more recent experience with them).
Whenever Boy Scouts USA sends me a solicitation for money or I see an offensive story about their politics in the news, I always send a little check to Camp Fire, just to support American youth in a way I can believe in.
I am so sorry to read of your experience with BSA. Before kids, my husband (Eagle Scout) and I were troop leaders for several years during the 90′s. The only time I ever had any issue was after we relocated and were no longer involved with the troop. A VERY offensive e-mail about Scouting and homosexuality arrived in my inbox from another leader. I replied with a carefully worded message that as sister to a gay man who was also an Eagle Scout, my family was definitely not sympathetic to his cause and would appreciate being removed from his forward list. I never heard another word.
All this recounted, my husband and I will definitely allow our son to join the BSA, but we will be very careful to pre-screen his Den & Troop, and talk with him about hate speech in its many forms.
Remember, Scouting cannot be changed from the outside. It will take strong leadership from inside the BSA, through your family, my family, and others to make a difference. So speak up, my friend!