Day #3
Posted by Carrie on 18 Aug 2008 | Tagged as: Familial things, Fitness and Health
Heading out to the Dells this morning. Truthfully, this is probably the most stressful trip I’ve ever taken in my life. Gabe is being SO VERY THREE, which entails throwing tantrums at random moments and a complete inability to tolerate any form of silence or tranquility. The cave visit yesterday? I have a wonderful picture that I’ll share when I get back to our home computer that just epitomizes the whole thing, and all it needs is the caption “DO NOT WANT” under his shrieking, livid face. (Thank God for the very sweet guide, who let him hold her flashlight; that added bit of security went a long way toward reassuring him and stopping the howls.)
Sam has a rip-roaring case of the “gimme-gimmes.” Any tips on helping him through that? I suggested that we could give each boy a set amount of money to spend on souvenirs (obviously Gabe wouldn’t understand, but he does understand “NOT FAIR!”), but Eric said, quite correctly, that it would only solve the issue for the first half-hour, during which Sam would blow through the entire amount on Beanie Babies and jelly beans.
Anyway. To the Dells! Oh, and these crutches are pure torture, and I think I prefer to hobble with just one. Thankfully, my foot seems to be improving (fingers crossed that it’s not just my imagination…).
7 Comments »
on 18 Aug 2008 at 8:56 am
Joanne said …
Oh I know the feeling - can I have? I want, I want, I want.
What I’ve found that works is:
- saying no if it’s not a planned for expense. (Or if please hasn’t been said)
- Or saying perhaps later (if that’s the case)
- Any whinging/nagging means it’s definitely not going to happen.
- And they get told that money doesn’t grow on trees, and they can’t have everything they have when they want it and Mum/Dad have to work hard to earn money.
Strangely - it seems to work. They know they’ll get something at some point if they behave, and nothing if they don’t.
on 18 Aug 2008 at 9:11 am
Carrie said …
We’re doing all that, so maybe we just need to keep doing it. Darn it, you mean there’s no magic bullet?
There was a stuffed Koo-Key (Webkinz rip-offs) dog yesterday over which he was going to DIEEEEEEEE if he didn’t get to take it home with us, and finally Eric stopped the pain by saying that if he didn’t find anything else he loved more, we could go online and find that very dog for him. 
I’ve been trying to convince him to save his requests for things that he can’t get back home, but delayed gratification is not his strong suit, I guess…
on 18 Aug 2008 at 9:48 am
Joanne said …
The most frustrating thing is when they do it while you’re in the middle of an already expensive outing.
Apparently the trick is not to give in EVER, or always give in - otherwise you’re teaching them that the nagging will work.
Is there any way you can give him choices? Like you can have this thing now but that means XXX won’t happen later.
Of course at some point he’s still going to be upset about what he can’t have - but he may understand better the next time.
The big trick on the parent side oft he fence is to try and not get stressed about it - and enjoy your holiday!
on 18 Aug 2008 at 9:58 am
Carrie said …
My mantra: “You will not make me yell.”
He has no ability to delay right now; if offered that choice, he will take what’s in front of him 100% of the time. I’ve tried to save him from himself, but maybe I need to let him learn the lesson more often. Hmmmm. And it’s hard sometimes for me to remember that what I consider to be useless crap isn’t to him…though frequently, after a few days, it will be.
But by then, he doesn’t remember the discussion.
on 18 Aug 2008 at 3:15 pm
hannah said …
I have a “I want” kid too. My 3 yo is so “I want~! Can I have? Buy dis for me!”
It makes all shopping trips very. unpleasant.
We have stopped buying him any and all treats/goodies/toys. Just telling him before hand and during and after that he can enjoy looking at the things, but we’re not going to buy any of them.
And when the inevitable tantrum/whine/wailing for all he’s worth comes, we’ve told him before that we will take him out of the store and he will sit in the car/outside (with a parent. Thus the hard part. . . because teaching him this and following through means one of us has to split off from the family and sit out in the heat with a tantrum throwing 3 yo.
It’s helping, but it hasn’t been a miracle-cure.
And we’re offering experiences instead of things.
“We are not going to buy any toys or things for you today, but we can go to the park/swimming pool/grama’s house after this shopping trip if you don’t whine and scream.”
on 18 Aug 2008 at 5:00 pm
Laura said …
Cant you split the money that you would give him for the entire day into a smaller time frame? Like if you were going to give him 20 dollars for the day (or whatever) give him x amount each hour. So he gets the amount of money at the start of each hour and when its gone, its gone.
on 19 Aug 2008 at 4:06 am
Joanne said …
Carrie,
That’s it exactly - it’s very hard as the parent - to accept sometimes your job is stepping back and letting them learn the ‘harder’ lessons for themselves - no one wants their kid to be upset? But the way I look at it - if I look after it’s done in a loving and contrlled manner - as opposed to the samck down that maight happen if they don’t figure this stuff out. I know adults who cannot live without going into debt because they see, they want, they buy - and it comes back to their parents. And keeping things like that in mind makes it easier - I think part of the job of parenting is to teach them how to exist in the world.
Out job is to give them the skills they need to get by without us, not to always be their friend - if that makes sense?
And if you can do it without yelling you’re way ahead of me.