If there’s somebody out there right now with whom you’re actively not speaking, for any reason at all – whether it’s their fault, your fault, everybody’s fault, nobody’s fault – go to them and make amends. Do your best, anyway; don’t let it fester by inaction (or misaction) on your part. Life is too short, and there are darn few excuses or reasons to let grudges turn into canyons between people.
Not to get into specifics, as I’m not personally involved, but the family skeletons that lurked behind curtains while my grandma was alive have now come out to dance. I find it pretty darn disgusting and inexcusable.
I’m not a grudge-holder, personally, and that’s probably due to an attention span too short to be one. Hours after a fight, I’ve frequently forgotten that I was mad in the first place. The fact that Gabe can hold a grudge for years sort of stuns me. I mean, he’s only been alive for four years, total, but when I told him that snow was coming, his first reaction was a very miffed, “I hope [neighborhood kid] doesn’t throw a snowball in my face again!” Dude, that happened at the beginning of last winter. Gabe also bears hard feelings toward the child in Sam’s old first-grade class who was a bit of a bully; even now, when Sam says that he got into an argument in school, Gabe jumps in with, “Was it with [old bully]?” This child’s memory is long. 
People have done rotten things to me in my life; I’m sure people would be able to say the same of me. If I let those actions sit in my heart, making me angry and hurt, I don’t know that I’d ever be able to feel truly happy. Some of the people who hurt me have apologized, and some haven’t. Forgiveness isn’t based on that, though. Forgiveness isn’t for them; it’s for me.
Go hug somebody who hurt you. Go hug somebody you hurt. Do it for me and for yourself.
I read a quote last week that seems to fit (I’m writing it from memory, so may be paraphrased)…
“For every minute you’re angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
I’m right there with you. Too many things get left to fester and it ends up hurting everyone in the end. My personal hangup in this area is with my dad. God as my witness, he will at least know his nextborn granddaughter, and we will hopefully be able to take steps toward full reconciliation.
I’m trying, honey, I swear to you… I’m trying.
Thanks for the reminder. ::hugs::
amen.
You know your grandmother as you knew her. Your truth is your truth.
I’m so so sorry that there are hard feelings surfacing in your relations
If someone else had different experiences with her, that is between them, God, and your grandmother (perhaps her, if it is a valid thing).
. . .though kind of a low blow waiting til someone is dead and not physically able or present to defend their behavior or deny the charges.
Thanks, friends.
Hannah, it would be bad enough if it were hard feelings against the dead, but it’s even more complicated and spidery. I know there are fights and there are fights; it’s hard to resolve something when the issues keep arising. When the issue is very, very old, as well as over and done with, I don’t get how it can continue to have siblings at active war.
This made me think of this e-mail I sent my MIL….we were all having issues and I couldn’t deal any more.
Like I said to Susie (name changed), we can all remember things that the other have done to us and feel bad about them. I can do it, you can do it. We all can. I personally try my hardest (and continue to try) to NOT remember the bad things that I *think* someone has done to me. I’m not saying major, abusive things but the little things that may annoy, make me feel bad etc. I can’t live my life like that. I have SO much to be thankful for. My family and I are all healthy. We are not promised our health or even another day on this earth so I really want to enjoy every day. Not that it’s always easy but I try.
I truly am sorry to you or anyone I’ve ever wronged. It’s never been my intent. I’m not perfect, nobody is obviously. It will always be hard for me to forget some of the things you and Susie said but I’m going to choose to not dwell on any of the other stuff any more. I’ve said all I can I guess. I really am happy for you and Susie w/ your new house etc. I hope all is going well. I hope your job is good and I wish you happiness and joy. I will leave you with this quote…I don’t include it to be offensive in any way. It really made me think and I hope it can be an encouragement to you as well.
Take care
Melissa
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts, it’s more important than the past, it’s more important than education, it’s more important than money, circumstances, failures, successes. It’s more important than what other people think or say or do. It’s of more importance than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, or a home.
The remarkable thing is that we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string that we have, and that is our attitude. I’m convinced that life is ten percent of what happens to me and ninety percent of how I react to it.
Charles Swindol
OMG, I’m so sorry that ended up SO LONG, Feel free to edit that Carrie!