So I got up at 4:30 AM to try to beat the heat for my run, but it was already 75 degrees and so muggy I felt like I’d turned triathlete without noticing, doing a swim leg around my neighborhood. (Could have been worse, though; by 8:30, it was in the upper eighties, and I happened to drive past a running woman who looked like she was in a world of hurt.)
Got home, showered, forced Sam to do the same and endured the dra-aaaaaaaa-ma surrounding that (we made a deal that he could shower this morning instead of last night, in exchange for no whining, but he’s a dirty deal-breaker). Was just beginning to recover my stride after that when he tearfully informed us that a friend of his is taking summer school class with the teacher whose class Sam’s just left, and the woman is criticizing Sam to all those kids in the summer class.
No.
Got us all dressed, dropped Eric off at work, and drove to the school. Ushered Sam off to his art class, then found the principal and laid it all out for him. We went through “progress reports” for wiggling and finger biting; severe and frequent punishments for ordinary silliness; and even an incidence where she reported that another teacher had had to scold Sam “repeatedly” for misbehavior, and when I talked to that teacher, she said it never happened at all – turned out that his teacher had asked other kids about Sam’s behavior, and they made up that part. 
This was the final straw. She’s not even his teacher anymore, and she’s still giving us grief. The worst of it is that Sam really likes her – or he did before this blow. He’s hurt and bewildered now.
Anyway, the principal seemed shocked, and he wrote down many notes and said he’d talk to her. I assured him that we didn’t want to cause trouble, because Sam had liked her and because we had another child who would be coming up through the grade eventually, and he promised he’d take care of that. We’ll see, I guess. I just don’t know that I could have met my own eyes in the mirror if I let this happen to my child without saying anything. I tried calling her after the whole “she [didn't] say, they said” experience, but she didn’t return my calls.
So! Then! I picked up Sam and took both kids to the dentist! Because I’m a masochist like that! Sam does fine, but Gabe…this was to be his first “official” cleaning, and it went as well as I expected it to – meaning that they had to actually remove us to a separate room, close the door, have me bear-hug him on my lap, and muscle our way through the trauma. Mind you, until a year or so ago, it took three adults to hold him down so the barber could cut his hair, and he’s only gotten stronger and more stubborn since then. It was BAD. By the time we finished (skipping the flossing and intro x-rays entirely), we were both sweaty, he was missing both shoes, and I was bruised from neck to waist from his kicks and thumps. The dentist did a quick check, and then Gabe went FERAL, running to the corner, hiding under a counter, and – inexplicably – doing HANDSTANDS OF RAGE while the dentist tried to make nice. I stood there, sort of laugh-crying with my hands over my face, while the hygienist tried to console me and reassure me that he wouldn’t be the last child to do this. Well, no, of course not: we’ll be back in six months!
And then we went back to Sam, and the dentist informed me that his laterals might be coming in crooked and might require straightening. Shave and a haircut…
I fully expected we’d be hit by a semi leaving the parking lot, just for good measure. We weren’t, but it would have felt appropriate.
Too hot for Calgon, too early for merlot. What’s a girl to do?
Surely it’s late enough for the merlot by now? Or failing that some really good chocolate?
The handstands of rage crack me up. Though I’m sure they were less than funny at the time, to me they sound hysterical!
I could not remain as calm as you are about that awful teacher.
I would file a formal complaint and DEMAND disciplinary action be taken against her Trash-talking your kid to other children? Asking other children about your son’s behavior in another teacher’s class, and then using it against him in her own report?
Those are not the behaviors of a normal teacher, and I’m sorry if this seems dramatic, but I would be talking to a lawyer right now. The woman sounds absolutely UNHINGED.
I don’t know about a lawyer, but I would definitely follow-up on the school situation, especially with Gabe potentially having this same teacher. And, because that teacher needs to be reprimanded. A good teacher — even an acceptable teacher — would not be pulling the stunts that this one is.
Sorry your day has been so rough already. And it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, right? You’ve earned it, lady!
Ack, ugh and sh**! I went through something similar with my eldest…school and teachers were always *interesting* – and I did have one particular teacher that just didn’t want a kid that was talkative, communicative (as openly and as often as mine) – who had a mind of his own (and ideas about things…) Gad, toddlerhood is SO much easier. I think it is a good thing to have it all checked into, without bringing Sam into it too much – it sucks though he is hearing things like this from other sources. Why can’t people just say things face to face, and to have it be a teacher is just weird!
Hope it all works out.
No Calgon, no merlot? Then obviously, the answer is: iced coffee!
In the third grade I had a teacher I truly adored who turned on me. I wrote a paper on how dinosaurs went extinct, and basically outlined all the available theories. She mocked it openly to the class for “not answering the question”, saying that I didn’t even “say the what the word dinosaur meant”. She even had my classmates raise their hands if they thought my report was “stupid”.
Can you imagine? I don’t know where her animosity came from, but maybe because I was a talkative, highly-confident 8 year old. I was a good student too. But I can’t imagine doing that to any kind of a student.
I do know, though, that as much as my 33 year old self has contempt for that teacher, I remember first and foremost that my parents stuck up for me and were 100% on my side. Good for you for fighting for your kids.
Handstands?!!
I agree with everyone else – that teacher is absolutely out of line and I’m glad you stuck up for Sam. It’s completely inappropriate for any teacher to discuss a child’s behavior (or ask questions about it) of other students and then enter that into any kind of official report.
Not okay.
In addition to what everyone else has said, that teacher has violated FERPA (Federal Educational Records Privacy Act). She has no right to discuss Sam’s business, academic habits, or ANYTHING with Sam’s peers, much less another teacher.
Write down notes NOW about what the principal said to you, etc.
You may need those notes.
From Ed.gov:
The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) (20 U.S.C. § 1232g; 34 CFR Part 99) is a Federal law that protects the privacy of student education records. The law applies to all schools that receive funds under an applicable program of the U.S. Department of Education.
FERPA gives parents certain rights with respect to their children’s education records. These rights transfer to the student when he or she reaches the age of 18 or attends a school beyond the high school level. Students to whom the rights have transferred are “eligible students.”
Parents or eligible students have the right to inspect and review the student’s education records maintained by the school. Schools are not required to provide copies of records unless, for reasons such as great distance, it is impossible for parents or eligible students to review the records. Schools may charge a fee for copies.
Parents or eligible students have the right to request that a school correct records which they believe to be inaccurate or misleading. If the school decides not to amend the record, the parent or eligible student then has the right to a formal hearing. After the hearing, if the school still decides not to amend the record, the parent or eligible student has the right to place a statement with the record setting forth his or her view about the contested information.
Generally, schools must have written permission from the parent or eligible student in order to release any information from a student’s education record. However, FERPA allows schools to disclose those records, without consent, to the following parties or under the following conditions (34 CFR § 99.31):
o School officials with legitimate educational interest;
o Other schools to which a student is transferring;
o Specified officials for audit or evaluation purposes;
o Appropriate parties in connection with financial aid to a student;
o Organizations conducting certain studies for or on behalf of the school;
o Accrediting organizations;
o To comply with a judicial order or lawfully issued subpoena;
o Appropriate officials in cases of health and safety emergencies; and
o State and local authorities, within a juvenile justice system, pursuant to specific State law.
Good gravey. Told you…that teacher is nuts! Wowza. Sorry your having a crummy one. We should get together for a drink, when you available? I’ll give you a call tomorrow. Sounds like you need a night of drinkin’
“handstands of rage” OMG i hope you’ve dipped into the merlot by now. on the bright (?) side he’s got a great band name for when he’s older…
I tell you; Gabe and Jude were separated at birth. I won’t even try the dentist this year. Just going to our GP is traumatic enough.
Lucy has to go to the dentist next month though, and I am NOT looking forward to it.
Carrie, just thought you’d like to know that a blog reader in Detroit is lol’ing at “handstands of rage”…. I hope today goes better for you, sheesh!
Never too early for a shot of something in your coffee.
Especially after your day…..
Anne
‘Handstands of Rage’. That is TOO funny.
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