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03/11/2002 Entry: "Out of hand"
Okay, this is getting a little out of hand. I'm turning off comments on the entry about my going to the doctor, just because it's not really helping and it's really beginning to make me feel much, much worse.
(I called Eric, crying, "They're all fighting in my blog!") Please know that I appreciated all the supportive comments; it's the arguing that hurts.
Yes, Bekki, you got what I meant when I said, "If it's not him, it's me." I meant that just when things started to look better for Eric, I ended up being the one sitting on the floor sobbing for no readily explainable reason. (Not that Eric was sobbing, but you catch my drift.)
Eric changes diapers now. It was a relatively brief period, all things considered, during which he refused. He still doesn't enjoy doing it, but does anybody?
When I say that I wish Eric were more capable of caring for Sam for extended periods, that's not meant as a criticism of Eric. Sam is going through a "Mommy" phase right now, and Eric's only option would be to sprout breasts and red hair if he wanted to keep Sam happy. He's trying his best (not to sprout breasts, but, again, you see where I'm coming from). He does take Sam on his own; just yesterday, he kept him for almost the entire afternoon - wheeling him around in his stroller while I browsed the craft store, playing with him on the floor while I finished my work for the week, changing his diapers, and watching him whie he napped and I went to get coffee. He didn't complain once; he rarely does.
I know that I didn't have to explain all of this. I shouldn't feel compelled to reveal every detail, simply because I keep a web page. I do this because I love you all, and I don't like seeing you fight, and I don't want you to be confused over what's true and what's not. Know this: I'm depressed, and it's nobody's fault.
I'm waiting for a call from Sam's doctor to see if he'll take me as a patient. I'll let you know what I hear as soon as I hear it. Thank you for all the support and for all the emails and comments. I just want to feel better now.
Replies: 7 sandcastles
Hey, I came in at the end of this... sorry you went through all the frustrations. Just know I am here if you need me... I am the queen of Prozac :-) Hugs,
Posted by Les @ 03/12/2002 12:44 AM EST
Carrie AND Eric-
Many of us knew what you meant, Carrie (the it's not him, it's me comment). Also, many new moms can relate. My husband won't put a cloth diaper on our daughter, for dear of poking her, doing it wrong, all that. He will do disposable. Plus, she used to prefer me- can you blame her? I was a milk factory. So, hubby would be out of his element, and with a baby that want Mama 24/7.
Eric- keep being a good dad, and the relationship with your son will grow and blossom. Don't let those women get you down!
Posted by Rachel @ 03/12/2002 12:41 AM EST
Carrie,
I love reading for your blog, and even though I don't know you and you don't know me, my heart goes out to you and my good thoughts and prayers are headed your direction.
Posted by Aravis @ 03/12/2002 12:19 AM EST
I wish you all the best and hope that you can see someone to help you as soon as possible. In the meantime, please know that we care very much about you and that we think of you.
I'm sending a hug...
Posted by sherry @ 03/11/2002 08:02 PM EST
(((Hugs)))
Thank you for sharing this with us. I wish we were closer.. lol. A friend turned me on to you when I was trying to get preggers and you were preggers. Everything seemed to be so much the same with us.. as of now.. it still seems to be the same. I really want to know what it would be like to live among a supportive community where you could walk outside and get that "nurturing" that we all need. Ok.. I have gone on way too long.
I hope you feel better soon.
Here is to a peaceful night!
Heather
Posted by Heather @ 03/11/2002 07:27 PM EST
Good luck, Carrie; and please accept my apologies if any of my comments upset you at all.
Posted by Jade @ 03/11/2002 03:02 PM EST
Best of luck to you, Carrie and write to me if you need anything. ((hug))
Posted by Janet @ 03/11/2002 02:42 PM EST
