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06/26/2002 Entry: "Prayers"

My mother-in-law is still in need of serious prayers and good thoughts. She saw a psych on Monday, and they gave her medication, but now she's been hospitalized and seems to be totally out of her mind with delusions. Not good, especially since it seems to have really started after we left at Christmas.

Eric says he doesn't, but I can't help feeling a little guilty. I know, rationally, that it's not our fault, but we've seen my parents several times since Christmas, but not his. Eric's brother, who called to tell us about their mother, also pointed that out - not consciously trying make Eric feel guilty, says Eric, but that was certainly what seemed to be the underlying motive. Well, he's right. We are (or were, before my car accident) planning a trip to West Virginia in July, but would it even help anymore? Will she even know Sam's there?

God...

Replies: 4 sandcastles

I wouldn't confuse psychosis with senility. Yes, she'd know you'd all be there. Yes, it also might scare you a little to see her like that. I know it scares me to see and know my own mom is going through another episode. I hope they find the right medicine for her - usually while in the hospital, they give large doses of anti-depressents and anti-psychotic drugs, but after the imbalances are corrected neurologically, she might be on a milder medication - probably for the rest of her life. Think of it as another form of a neurological disease such as altzheimer's - she will live with it (and probably has all or most her life, but wasn't triggered until recently) for the rest of her life. My mom often goes off of her medication because she'll feel "normal", but she soon lapses into an unbeatable depression again and loses it and I have to constantly remind her that she's not at fault, but that it's just a disease that needs to be maintained by medication.

It's such a hard and sensitive and delicate subject to deal with. Some people ignore that there's someone in the family with a mental illness. I'm glad that you're not letting it beat you down and not keeping you afraid of going to see her. My family is not the same. They've disowned my mom. So please just remember that I'm sure she'll appreciate all the visits, phone calls, pictures and attention, because of course she's still the same person. In having the experience with my mom, I know what her triggers are which is the fact that her baby (me - I'm the youngest by 16 years) lives clear across the US and she misses me. Sounds like your mom just misses Eric just like my mom misses me.

I hope everything works itself out - it usually does. :)

Posted by Tina @ 06/28/2002 09:29 PM EST

*huge hugs* I completely know what you're going through :( If you ever need to talk or vent, you know here to find me.

Posted by mar @ 06/27/2002 10:52 AM EST

Dont feel guilty about anything hun. I know its nature too but even if you do visit its very likely that it is not going to make things better. Psychiatric problems are just that psychiatric and many times changing something lifestyle wise here and there wont change or help you permantly. It may help for the day, but not for the lifetime of your illness. Dont beat yourself up over it. I recently had a friend of mine hospitalized as well because her meds were messed up and just stopped working, combine that with alot of stress and other health problems and she was a mess. Nothing you could say or do would help her and she had to be hospitalized. Making yourself feel guilty only makes your feel bad and causes problems within your self.

Posted by Karin @ 06/27/2002 07:02 AM EST

Not that it matters now, but I recently read somthing that said relationships are never equal. Also that there is no need for the other family to even know how much you see the other side. Don't feel guilty.
I hope she feels better soon, she is in my prayers.

Posted by Sandra @ 06/27/2002 12:29 AM EST