On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
ONE BIG SURPRISE:
When Sam was a newborn, eveyrbody told me that life woul be easier when he was older. "When he's verbal, he'll be able to tell you what's wrong and what he wants," they told me, nodding as though everything would be fixed soon. I believed them, and I kept my eyes on that light at the end of the tunnel.
They lied.
Sure, he can tell me what he wants; that doesn't change the fact that what he wants can encompass everything in the house, including the many, many things that he's not allowed to touch. When he is told that he can't have them, he is very capable of letting me know exactly what's wrong, but that doesn't mean that I'll be able to change the situation. Toddlers are, after all, a whole lot less distractable than babies. Should one of those moments occur in public, the general populace is much less tolerant of a screaming child than they are of a crying infant. No, easier life is not. When people tell me now that hope is "right around the corner," I can't help but quirk a cynical brow.
Even so, I'm surprised at how little all that matters in the end. Yes, raising Sam is challenging, even more than I ever imagined. It's also the most rewarding thing I've ever done. His little grins when he wakes me in the moning, his herky-jerky dance moves, his cackles at being tickled, the joy on his face when he "sweeps" the floor with the broom or "washes dishes," the whispered cooing noises he makes as he runs his cars across the coffee table...I'm happier than I've ever been, even in the midst of the struggle to keep chaos at bay.
With so much trouble, sadness, and angst throughout this year, being Sam's mother has been both heaven on earth and the flames of hell, all at once. I'd never give it up, not for anything. But that's no surprise at all, is it?
WordGoddess Collab for December: "The Twelve Days of Christmas, Part 12: 1 thing that surprised you the most."
